Friday, February 03, 2017

It's Been a While (And Other Stuff)

It's been over two years since I've blogged. That's really odd, but I've been quite busy. Lately, I've actually had some time to think and felt like maybe it was time to jump start this thing again. The election and its aftermath have had some influence on that. I have a lot I'd like to write about that (because Facebook posts just don't cut). Maybe some day.

But today I'm thinking of childhood. I'm currently working on a collection of songs about where and how I grew up. I want to portray it all honestly without giving it all away. This project started a couple of years ago, and it began with an epiphany.

In the last decade, it seems to me anyway, there's been a lot more talk in schools about bullying. When I was in school, I remember very little "awareness" about it. If some kid bullied you, you'd either tell the teacher or take it. If you told the teacher, that'd probably be bad ("snitches get stitches" after all) and you'd probably get more of the same. If you took it, that meant that you'd probably get more of the same. Because of some of the problems my son has had in school (although it's been a lot better in the last couple of years), it made me start to think about my school days and the bullying I encountered.

It was weird because I'd never really thought about my school experience in those terms. After high school, I'd never had anyone try to do to me what kids in high school did. I'm a big guy, and although I love me some Jesus, I can be blunt and defensive when I feel a situation warrants. So I really have never had any problems during my adult life, and as time went on, I've become less and less passive (to a fault at times I'm sure) and simply forgot about the past. But a couple of years ago, all this stuff started to flood back, and I realized that my experience in school was not normal.

It was not normal to be called denigrating names day after day. It was not normal to be hit by any number of people at random times for no apparent reason. It was not normal to never be picked for anything, whether it was in a gym class or classroom setting. That was my school experience growing up, and it didn't fully end until I graduated. I was fat and poor and socially backward. This is not a great combination for social success.

As for school itself, I hated going. I loved sitting in a classroom and learning. I still do. But I absolutely loathed getting on the bus everyday knowing what awaited. I took every opportunity to miss school, and milked every sickness for all it was worth. I may have been the only kid who loved class but always missed the maximum number of days. In the last couple of years it got better. I got less awkward and made some friends. But that stuff sticks with you.

I wanted to share all this for a couple of reasons. The first is that it's just on my mind, since I'm kind of digging into that time period to pull out some ideas for lyrics. I can't say that it's really that painful because I've made whatever peace I needed to so that I could move on. I'm not the same timid kid, so I'm not perpetually bothered by any of it.

But the other reason is that I've seen the bullies come out of the woodwork in the last few months. There is some nasty speech and behavior going on, as you probably know. And whether or not we want to blame the election or politicians, the truth is that those individual people are responsible for their actions, no matter who is elected or what their ideology is. We seem to be quick to throw up epithets like "libtard" or "racist" or (and this has got to be the weirdest turn of a phrase ever), "snowflake". I mean, who would have called that as being an insult?

Anyway, we're not doing each other any favors. I could point fingers about this stuff. A part of me would like to. But it wouldn't accomplish anything and any discussion that came out of it would be charged with vitriol. We should be discussing this politics and debating the merits of policy, but no one should get to resort to bullying tactics to make their voice heard. I know that people will respond that this is the reality of the world, but that is no excuse since the reality of the world is whatever we make it. The world can be a hard place, but don't we have the strength to be better?

A seventeen year old kid killed himself this week. He'd been the subject of ongoing ridicule at both his workplace and school. Most likely, if I had my guess, he was a nice kid who was just different enough that everyone else, and he probably seemed weak. He was overweight and spoke with a speech impediment. His boss has been charged with involuntary manslaughter. I have no idea if that's the right thing to do or not. But I know that us humans love to pick at weakness, like we're chickens, mere animals who don't have the sense or will to stop.

The anonymity of the internet has obviously given us license to be more crass and outspoken. We all know this, but we're unwilling to stop it. Online behavior seems to have allowed us to be subhuman: people send death threats, call people names that they probably don't say in public (and most likely wouldn't say in front of their kids), and generally treat each other like garbage when they disagree. We have to escalate because clearly, if someone doesn't agree with us, they must not be as intelligent. I don't like to let arguments go, either, but I stop short of name calling. How does name calling prove me right? If an argument is solid, you don't need anything else, ideally.

So be nice, would ya? Seriously. Ratchet down whatever rhetoric you're engaging in that doesn't accomplish anything. If you can present your case cogently and calmly, you might actually win some folks over. Unless your goal is to just hate people who aren't like you. Now we would never do that, would we?




Monday, October 20, 2014

Nine Months in Aurora, IL

We're nine months in to a new ministry in a way-out Chicago suburb, on the edge of farms and prairie. We're living in the second largest city in Illinois, which is Aurora. You may know it from its portrayal in the movie Wayne's World. Do you remember that donut place that's in the movie? It's not here. But there's a Dunkin' Donuts just down the street. I guess that will have to suffice. 

This is our fifth ministry. Seventeen years. I turned forty this year. That's the age when you look back and take a little stock. Not too much. Just enough. Given the earlier posts on this blog, it was almost amazing that I finally found another church job (if you want a good pity party, scroll through them!). I just taught on Abraham in our student ministry, and how it can take a long time for things to align, and how God aligns things in His time. I'm not going to say that I was thrilled with our timeline: I don't think I should pretend that I understand it. But it wasn't bad at all. Hopefully the posts below echo that. I haven't read them since I wrote them.

As a return to form, today's post will talk about a musician, and some lesson that can be derived from what they did. This time around, it's George Harrison.

George was the odd beatle: not John or Paul, but not Ringo. I'm a big Harrison fan and love his solo work. But, knowing his history, he was probably never going to be received as the genius of his more prolific counterparts. In the 70's, after the Beatles' split, however, he seemed to take on the role of ex-Beatle George with aplomb: he produced artists, formed his own record label, and released the best (IMO) solo record of any Beatle, All Things Must Pass. When you listen to it, you are hearing songs written during by George concurrently during the album sessions ranging all the way back from Rubber Soul (1965) to Abbey Road (1970). Many of these were rejected for recording by the other Beatles. 

There's a Get Back-era rehearsal of George showing John the chords to "Let it Down", a great track on All Things Must Pass. The tape reveals John's disdain for the chord progression (typical of many Harrison tunes, with diminished or major seventh chords and asymmetrical progressions). It certainly wasn't straight ahead rock and roll, but it seemed like George had taken pop melody and stretched it almost into a jazz-like structure. John wasn't a fan, and it was the only rehearsal of the tune.

The span from Rubber Soul to Abbey Road was five years. That's not a long time in today's pop music landscape, but back then it was an eternity, when bands released two albums and two singles a year. That's a lot of product to put on shelves, especially if you are writing it. And it's a long time to wait to put out finished material that you are working on and completing. Imagine a group of painters telling one of their own that they can't hang most of their work up. "It just doesn't fit" or "We've already used most of our paintings" or "The wall's already full". Whether or not you're in the Beatles, you're probably not going to put up with that construct forever. 

This part of Beatles lore makes me wonder how we individually know when we're supposed to be a team player, and when we're supposed to be the star. You and I probably both know people who go out on their own, start their own business (or band), and either succeed or fail to varying degrees. How did these people know when to separate from their comfort and take the risk on becoming what they believed they could fully be? Of course, I tried something like that and failed (see earlier blog posts) and I regret a portion of that, but the good news is that it's hard to regret the experience you receive from your failures. You learn hard lessons, and that's a positive thing. I'm guessing, though, that I probably would have enjoyed it more if we would have succeeded. :)

One thing I know is that it doesn't scare me any more. We moved four times in four years (I don't recommend it) but I'm not really afraid of much. If I lose it all tomorrow (not that I'm anticipating this), I'll just get back up and start again. I feel like that whole experience made me my own person. I feel comfortable in my own skin. And in a profession (ministry) where you are sometimes encouraged to put on a facade for a variety of reasons, that can be a challenge. Happily, I don't really do that. But, as Over the Rhine would say, "Lord knows we've learned the hard way all about healthy apathy". Amen. I've learned to have passion about things that count, and be apathetic about things that don't. Hopefully, not to a fault. 

This brings us back to George. After All Things Must Pass, his solo career was inconsistent. He had quite a few albums that didn't sell, singles that tanked and a tour in 1974 which turned him off of touring for life (save for a handful of concerts in Japan). And on those post-All Things Must Pass solo records, I feel like I hear George vacillating between pop star hit maker, and spiritual guy who does his own thing. On one record in particular, Somewhere in England, the record label told Harrison to replace some songs because they were too dour and depressing. He complied, but only to a point, writing a new song called "Blood From a Clone". That's not exactly, as Nirvana would say, a radio-friendly unit shifter. My copy of this album is a cut-out, the process by which companies discount records that aren't moving. They actually "cut out" a portion of the cover to denote that it was returned to the label, which then is sent out again and sold at a far lower price. I remember in the early 80's seeing a whole cut out crate full of George's next record, Gone Troppo. After the relative failure of this record (which I love), George retreated and worked on movies (among them, Shanghai Surprise, the Madonna/Sean Peen vehicle). He "returned to form" on 1987's Cloud Nine. In interviews from that time period, it seemed like George had become what he had always at least teased: a guy who only cared about what moved him, what mattered. He did promotion, but did it on his own terms, suffering no fools in interview clips from the time. You can't live in a shadow forever, even if it's John Lennon or Paul McCartney or the Beatles mythos. He had become his own Beatle...er...man. 

Just like a preacher talking about standing in judgment before God, you sometimes stand alone. Not in a bad way. But sometimes, when the time is right, when God aligns everything, it's time for you to do your thing, to do the thing that He's given you to do. And it may not be now, and it may be multiple times. It may be when you're a hundred, like Abraham, or when you're not even an adult yet, like David. And you may have to do your version of recording critically maligned bad albums to get to the really good record that you were created to make. But whatever that looks like for you, I think you'll have your time. Maybe you've already had it, and another is on the way. I hope so.


Sunday, November 03, 2013

Unemployable

I've written at length here about our adventure after leaving full time ministry in the fall of 2010. Long story short, we moved to Nashville to pursue a music career, found it to be a fool's errand, and felt that we should go back to full time church work.

That was two and a half years ago.

I thought that, since I had never really had a problem finding a ministry in the past (usually taking 1-2 months), that, although the wait might be a little longer, we'd soon secure another position somewhere. I grossly misjudged how difficult it would be. Below is a screen cap of my "Applied to" e-mail folder. Note the number of e-mails. I also haven't saved every rejection e-mail. Some of the names have been changed to protect the...er...participants.


There is a certain pull to ministry, if you've been in it awhile. I'm typing this on a weekend where we are visiting one of the churches where we've served. People don't usually go back and spend a weekend at their "old job" just to visit (although they might hang out with their old work buddies), but church work isn't just a job: the people who you serve become family. When you leave, you leave because of reasons related to the job part of the ministry, but much of the time you leave in spite of the relationships you have made. I can say that this was true for all of the churches I have left. We still have friends at those places. We still miss all of our old haunts. If the work portion of our commitment had been different, we probably would still be at one of these churches.

I think if there's one thing I could get church leaders, and church people in general, to understand about ministers who leave is that ministry has a tension where it is part job, part family. And that, just because the job part may end for a variety of reasons, the family part doesn't. You don't all of the sudden stop caring for the people in your past churches just because you're not there any more. You still grieve at their losses, and rejoice their gains. Your lives become intertwined and it can be awesome and messy all at the same time. In many cases, you wish things had been different, because you didn't really want to leave. In some cases, like us, you leave simply to pursue what you feel might be a better fit or situation for you and your family. That doesn't make you a bad person. Many of the ministers I know are just trying to figure out what God wants from them when they make a move.

Pearl Jam's "Unemployable"

Those relationships that we have built are a big part of the reason why we want to do church work. The community of believers in every church is what we know, and is appealing to us. It is not perfect, and neither are we. But it is comfortable to us, in a good way. I think we were surprised at how much we missed it during our time in Nashville. Thankfully, after yet another move, we did find a church where I could work part-time, to use my gifts and to fellowship with.

I have estimated that I have applied to roughly 150 churches. Sometimes, when they rejected me, I asked them why, in the interest of self-improvement. I don't recommend doing this. I have learned several things throughout this process of continual rejection. The first one is that churches don't see you they way you see yourself. They see a very small part of who you are and what you can do. Most of what ministers do isn't quantifiable, or can be comprised into a three-minute YouTube video. For example, I have a couple of videos of me leading worship posted there. Whenever I send them with my resume, that's usually the end of the conversation with a perspective church. Unfortunately, they are the only videos I have. They certainly aren't a good representation of all the things I've done over the years, all the different ways I've led worship, or more importantly, all the people I've shared the Gospel with, musicians I've trained, people I've counseled or prayers I've prayed. It was because of these videos that one church told me that my "guitar playing or singing (were not) sufficient for you to come in and lead our people". Now, if there's one thing I'm good at, one thing in the world, it's playing guitar. But, that's the point: the video, where I'm simply playing chords with two other singers and a bass player, doesn't show virtuosity.

The second thing I've learned is that shifts in culture can age you out of your work. I've talked to several pastors who have either hired or have talked about what I call the "archetype of post-modern minister". Churches are looking for someone younger than me, more dynamic than me, more....something....than me. The irony in this is that I have been called to churches that have been a little more conservative in their approach to worship. So, all of that experience has now made me the worship leader I am. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that, but what churches want in a worship leader has drastically changed in the last ten years. I can do that, I can be that guy, but I have no proof that I can do that, no tangible evidence that I can be that guy.

I was bothered by several things during this time of job and soul searching, but one thing really stuck out: why are churches trying to hire a certain kind of person, while at the same time praying for the right person? Those may not be even close to the same thing. So many churches want a certain kind of personality for their pastor positions, a certain look for their worship positions, a certain energy for their youth positions. But relationships you build in ministry transcend all that. It's not about plugging in a certain component, as if thinking about people as puzzle pieces is somehow going to make your church successful. Instead of looking for the next church CEO, or the next Chris Tomlin, churches should be looking for people who care, people who want to be a part of their family. I may not look the part of the worship leader that many churches are looking for. But I think, more importantly, I feel I live the part of someone who has compassion, who is dependable, who wants the church to thrive and flourish. So, how does that make someone unemployable?

Friday, March 01, 2013

Family: You Can't Live With 'Em, etc...

Today, while being the best darn can jockey I can be, I started thinking about family. My extended family. I go in spurts doing this. What made me ruminate on these folks that I am biologically connected to (but rarely see) was a reel-to-reel tape.

If you're old enough, you might know what that is. If you don't, here's what the tape and player look like:



When I was a kid, we had one of these. My father, like I assume so many GI's, brought it home from Vietnam. It had red sand in it, the kind that I assume would blow around during storms over there. It was a monster. Heavy. It had a handle, but the handle almost seemed like a dare: portability wasn't it's strong suit.

Record companies made pre-recorded tapes for these players, but really what a consumer would use it for was recording their own personal music. This was pre-VCR, even before the wide spread proliferation of cassette decks and boom boxes. My dad recorded himself playing guitar, my mom recorded herself playing the "Jew's harp" (I kid you not, that's what it's called) and they both recorded audio of TV shows and movies. One of these, the audio from the "Elvis on Tour" film, I still have. Before we ever had a video copy of that movie, I'd listen to this extensively.

On the beginning of that tape, before the movie starts in, there's me. I'm three years old, and my mom and dad are trying to get me to sing or speak into the microphone, and I'm having none of it. Every time the microphone comes close to me, I scream, saying "I don't want to, Mommy, I don't want to!". Why I didn't wanted to, I don't remember. It's ironic considering the amount of time over the last twenty five years I've spent in front of a microphone.

Lesson Learned From Family #1: People who are related to you will try to get you to do things that others won't.

When I was ten, while visiting me and my mother, my grandmother told me she'd give me ten bucks for all my Elvis 45's (I had around 40). Being a kid who wanted to respect authority, I complied. My mom didn't know about this until my grandmother was leaving. My mom, seeing that this was unfair, told her so while she was getting in her car. As she drove off, my grandmother said, "A deal's a deal!"

Of course, even when she passed away, she still had this crate of records which somehow never reverted back to me in her death. Well played, grandma, well played.

That day, my grandmother inadvertently taught me a healthy skepticism of all authority that has been lasting. I actually am thankful for it, and I feel that skepticism can serve you well. Everyone needs a bullcrap detector sometimes.

Lesson Learned From Family #2: People who are related to you don't always have your best interests at heart.

Around about that same time, I was at my grandfather's house looking through his records. Of course, I was looking for Elvis records, and I was disappointed that he only had a couple. My grandfather was a great guitarist, loved jazz and was playing professionally way before rock and roll. I asked him what he thought of "the King" and he didn't have kind words to say: "He couldn't play guitar. I suppose he could sing ok." My stepgrandmother chimed in with "Oh, those are my records", as if to provide an excuse for having such musical contraband. A couple of years later, when Sgt. Pepper never left my CD player, I inquired about his opinion regarding the moptops: "They are alright. Not great guitar players but good songwriters." They were no Django Reinhardt, to be sure, who was my grandpa's favorite player.

I find it interesting that, even though he knew of my love for Elvis, he was not accommodating of that fact. In fact, neither set of grandparents on either side of my family were known to suffer fools.

Lesson Learned From Family #3: People who are related to you don't always consider your feelings.

Here's the deal with this post right here: I'm glad they didn't take it easy on me. I don't agree with what happened all the time with my family and me, but soft, warm, fuzzy people they were not. And, in a world that isn't soft, warm and fuzzy either, those relationships prepared me for what was to come. As I got older, went to college and took jobs all around the eastern half of the U.S., I didn't see them very much. And even that prepared me to be flexible in a profession where you deal with difficult interpersonal situations continually.

This whole post might sound like I am being critical of these people. But it's really more like a travelog, that tells you how you got to where you are. Your relationships with your family are a lot like tourist traps and greasy diners: some you like, some you don't, but they all stick with you and mold you.

That these three stories each have some connection with Elvis is no coincidence: I was a big fan early on, and your family's reaction to something that's important to you as a child says a lot about them. But I don't think that negative reactions to something that a child loves are always terrible. In fact, they can build character and encourage a kid to be honest, even blunt about what they like, who they are and what they will and won't do. I'd take my relation any day over an antiseptic, milquetoast existence where nothing was ever confronted and nothing ever mattered. In a beautifully twisted way, I want to tell my family, "thanks".

Thursday, November 15, 2012

The Rockin' Preacher

I promised this post awhile ago. And, well, here ya go!

On the surface, it seems like a case of "one of these things is not like the other": the rock star becoming a preacher. And yet, so many times in the history of rock and roll, some of those great rock gods gave their lives and careers over to the capital G God. It might seem like a head scratcher to some, but let's review, shall we?

A lot of those early rockers (Elvis, Jerry Lee, etc.) were raised in church. Raised in church, in the south. Church is the south is serious. Still is. So many of those rockers actually learned their trade in church. Pentecostal churches were, in a way, ground zero for rock and roll: the chaos, the excitement, the music and the movements. It was all there, even back then. And good Christian folk, who otherwise would have eschewed such behavior, were totally fine with it, as long as it was in the name of Jesus.

It's funny that, in its infancy, rock music was protested most vociferously by the church. The early progenitors of the style were sons of the bride of Christ. When they warmed up or jammed informally, they sang Gospel tunes. Many of them were fans of Gospel singers, most significantly Sister Rosetta Tharpe and the Blackwood Brothers, who Elvis loved. This was who they were, to the point that they recorded Gospel records at the height of their stardom, often to the chagrin of their management or labels.

What I love about these stories is that, far from being diametrically opposed, the church and rock music are almost the same thing. There's a fervency and urgency to it all. People are devoted to pouring on their adoration. The fans/parishioners are giving what they've got to what they believe in. And let's not forget the preachers/singers. They're the same person: working the crowd, communicating a message effectively and emoting in such a way that everyone gets it, and there's not a single heretic in the place.

Yet, there are differences, and the most marked difference is the perception of the two. The ubiquitous puritanism that engulfed America by the 1950's had framed the argument of morality in the simplest of terms: a conservative, moralistic lifestyle was what God desired. Any deviation from that must be sin, and rock and roll was deviation defined. If you're a church boy who grew up to sing "Great Balls of Fire" or "Good Golly Miss Molly", well, you're conflicted. And these men were, in more ways than one.

Little Richard is probably the most famous of all the rocker-turned-preacher. He grew up in Georgia, attending the African Methodist church. By age 10, he was faith healer. He loved charismatic churches, and the excitement was not lost on Richard. But, like all of us, he was a saint and a sinner. The original lyrics to "Tutti Frutti", for example, had to be edited and changed so that the song would even have a shot at airplay. His interest in orgies, his homosexuality, along with the typical alcohol and drug abuse that accompanied many of the early rock icons have always showed a man conflicted. But in 1957, at the height of his popularity, a plane ride to Australia changed all that. Richard claimed to have seen angels on the wings of the plane, which, after he reached his destination, crashed into the sea. This was all the sign he needed to abdicate that hedonistic rock and roll life he felt it had become, and devote his life to preaching the Gospel. He went back to rock, then back to evangelism, and then found a peace about both worlds.

Wayne Cochran was known as the "White Knight of Soul". His biggest claim to fame is writing "Last Kiss" (last popularized by Pearl Jam). Like Little Richard, he had a huge pompadour and charisma to match. He's now a minister at a church in Florida, and has been for decades.

There are others, too: Sting was planning on being a priest before his foray into the "devil's music". Richie Furay, of Buffalo Springfield and Poco, became a born-again Christian and eventual pastor. And let's not forget the Reverend: Al Green, who became a pastor in 1976, in the middle of the height of his R&B career. Of course, there is also a long list of rock stars who became Christians.

The fervent nature of both a rock and roll show and a pentecostal church service are almost one and the same: people get all worked up over something they believe in, or are excited about. The object of that adoration may be different, but the reaction is the same. The takeaway, I think, might be that certain personalities are drawn to both of these lives. Those people are very passionate and feeling individuals, who feel they have something to say, and also want people to hear it. You could say that it even takes a little ego to think that, week after week, a group of people are going to listen to you. I've known a lot of ministers who preach in spite of their humility, for sure, but there are also more than a handful who are almost made to get that kind of attention.

Some church going folk might be bothered by that. But I'd say that God gave them their charisma to somehow further the kingdom. You'll note that it's very hard for fallen ministers to stay out of the limelight. I think it's not only because they crave it, but that they are also somehow made to seek it. Sure, it's a fine line between being a sycophant/glory seeker, and just being your own charismatic self, but I think those people are naturally that way. The key for those people, and for ministers who stand in front of hundred of people every Sunday, is to know that they are in the service of those they stand before, just like a janitor or an electrician. There is no difference: they are providing a service. And it's a good lesson for rock stars, too. How many famous musicians have been felled by their own hubris? Remember Prince changing his name to an unpronounceable symbol? No one is an entity unto themselves, and if nothing else, that's the lesson from rock stars becoming preachers. And now, rock stars singing Gospel:

Saturday, January 14, 2012

The Change

I'd always had this nagging feeling that something wasn't quite right.

During my first ministry, I was teaching a class on the book of Acts when I asked the class this question: "We see in Acts 2 that the church had, quote 'everything in common'. They shared possessions, and spent a lot of time together. Given the nature of life today, do you think it's possible for the church to live like this now?'" People thought for a moment. And the answer that the class gave was a surprise to me: "No. I don't think so." I figured that, being good Christian people, they would at least give lip service to the idea. Nope. No dice. "Life is so different now", they said. And with that, my lesson was derailed.

Ministry wasn't that much of an eye-opener to me. I knew, because I was friends with my youth minister, that church work wasn't all pizza parties and prayer services. There was drama. There were conflicts. People got mad. People were jerks. But this class was a turning point for me. Those early Christians seemed like hippies, like a sub or counterculture that the church today wouldn't embrace. It started the nagging question of whether or not we really are like the first believers in the book of Acts, and like the people Jesus expected us to me.

Every once in a while, I'd be studying a passage and see that what the passage said didn't match what the church did. A simple thought. But one that always bugged me. It got under my skin. Flash forward a decade, and I'm in my third ministry. At this point, I had been in enough church meetings, and talked to enough church people, to know that, even in the face of what Jesus said, a lot of Christians will sometimes flat out refuse to follow the example of Jesus. For example...

Jesus had people leave his ministry when he spoke the truth. But we never want people to leave our church, and bend over backwards to placate even the slightest whim.
James tells us to take care of the orphan and the widow. But we have a budget that doesn't have hardly any spending for this, let alone volunteers who do this work.
Paul tells us that we are a priesthood of all believers. But we have ministers who do most of the pastoral work.
Jesus tells us to love one another, and that we will be known by our love. But we get into petty arguments with each other that cause us to disfellowship, and we are not known by our love, but rather have defined ourselves by what we hate.
The Bible tells us that we are supposed to confess our sins to each other. But we don't, either because people will gossip about us, or ostracize us.
Jesus makes it clear that we are to go straight to those that we have issues with. But we write anonymous notes to church leadership instead, and complain about each other to our friends.
Jesus has no political affiliation. But we try to give him one.
Paul told us we are saved by grace. But we give very little grace to those who don't share our opinions and lifestyles.
The Bible tells us to share each other's burdens and to help those who are in need. We judge them, and tell them to get a job, and assume they are lazy if they are out of work. 
Jesus was very blunt with people who did things that were hurtful to others. We bite our tongues (or join in with the complainers) because it's easier and not controversial. And we don't want to lose our big tithers, either.

My change came about over the course of the last couple of years. I used to identify as a conservative. I thought that American conservatism was the political ideology that was closest to the identity of the church. Anti-abortion, anti-gay, pro-gun, pull yourself up by the bootstraps, etc. And, in the churches where I worked, almost everyone was Republican. And then I met (gasp!) a democrat in my church.

I talked just a little bit about politics with him, not much. He shared with me that he felt like he couldn't really talk about his politics with his fellow Christians. Even though there should be no political litmus test, and any man-made political ideology will be imperfect, he really didn't feel comfortable sharing his views. He was a pro-life democrat to boot, which meant that he was on the fringe of two different groups of people.

He was also a wonderful, Godly man.

And the more I thought about it...the more I read the Bible....the more I heard the political conversation surrounding both the election of Bush and Obama, the more I saw that this is not a fight that I have a dog in. The more I heard the negative comments about both men (both church goers, by the way) - the racist jokes, the comparisons to Hitler -  the more I realized that I had added to the words of Jesus with my ideology and politics, and it was time to lay them at the foot of the cross.

This post really isn't about politics. It's about how we supplement the Gospel with a bunch of other thinking that is usually contrary to the love of Christ. Americans pride ourselves on being self-made individuals, but Paul tells us that we have nothing without the grace of Jesus, and it's this grace that we can't earn on our own. We're supposed to keep striving to make more money, but the love of money is the root of all evil. In so many ways, we've given up on the ideal of the early church because it was a standard we couldn't attain. And, to replace the ideal, we've got our own set of rules that sound pious. And all our friends have the same opinions, so they must be right. Except that they don't show love, they just make us feel more superior.

The funny thing is that there are so many Gen-X and Gen-Y Christians who seem to have come to the same conclusions. The last ten years have seen church leaders emerge that share this vision. But some corners of the traditional church seems to have very little use for us, even though the goal of most of them is to be more like Christ. How can you argue with that?

I don't think the government should take nearly as much money as they do (conservative) but what money they do have should be going to help people (liberal). I think people should do everything they can to help themselves (conservative) but I think we should do everything we can to help them, too (liberal). I'm in nowhere land, politically and ideologically. And that's alright with me. I don't want to throw all in with any group of people. I want to go all in with Jesus. That's how I roll.

Friday, December 09, 2011

Man We Was Lonely

In Nashville, that is. Glad to be gone and moved away. It seems like the kind of place I should be. And if we'd had some friends there, some people to play with....you know....community, it may have been different. In a year, we found very little.

Let me tell ya.....I don't need a bunch of people in my life. A few good friends that I feel comfortable around. A couple of musical foils. That's what I need. When we left the ministry over a year ago, I just figured that it would kind of happen. Like it always did. It didn't. And it reminded me of something.

After my junior year of college, I took a year off to collect my head. I was down. Angry. Bitter. And broke. Don't forget broke. I went back home, worked two jobs for year, interned at a church. After reading over 100 books of all manner and matter, I got a little slice of peace and headed back to college. I had two years ahead of me (I was trying for two degrees) and was ready to get into it again. All of my friends had left my college, though. And for the first couple of months, I ate in the cafeteria alone. I came back to school a far better person than I was when I left. Nobody was interested in what I had to offer. For a while, anyway.

And that's what Nashville felt like. Nobody was interested. I was told that people were jaded regarding music there. Turns out, what they are interested is their own scene. And we didn't fit. Too old. Maybe too young for some. Too conservative or liberal. Who knows? We met some great acquaintances there, but no real friends. I still really don't know what to make of it.

So, we went in the opposite direction and are sharing a house with another family. Some day I'll tell you all about it. We're still finding our bearings in a two family household. But we're making our own friends in this new area, slowly. I'm also closer to family. This is better. But still.....

Something is missing. Our old ministry life was all-encompassing. I've had a much harder time adjusting than I thought. There was nothing to replace the instant relationships when we left. Trying to get back into it has been a bust, until recently. There is some hope, but it's slow. Hope is, by it's very nature, slow.

My wife and I, the lovely Summar, have gone through some serious ideological changes. We've fought with God. We've discarded political labels. We've realigned our theology. We love music and food and knowledge. We talk for hours, and our son joins in sometimes, too. He's so smart. He wants to take everything apart to see how it works. Or to just destroy it. He is a boy, after all.

The point is our change, our upheaval, our loneliness has changed us. We're resilient. It made us face our convictions, and discard the ones that don't work for us. I'm glad it did all that. We're different people. Stronger.

It may seem a little hyperbolic. You're thinking, "Hey, people move all the time. What's he whining about this time?" I get it. I just can't emphasize how hard it was personally, or how glad we are to have some sense of community again.

God, through Paul, talks about being refined in a fire. He talks about discipline for those He loves. He speaks of beating his body daily to, basically, keep it in line. All that talk about trials and tribulation and what it does. On the tribulation-o-meter, we would hardly register, I suppose. But the process of transformation isn't pleasant, which I suppose is the point. A pleasant transformation wouldn't stick. It would be like a trendy diet, and then six months later you've gained all the weight back. This change is sticky. This change is like Laffy Taffy in your teeth. Or super glue on your fingers. At least I hope it is.






P.S. This is the last Nashville post. Next up....rock stars who became preachers. Stay tuned.